Parental rights are something to be not taken lightly as a father because one day completely beyond your control they can be taken away.

This Blog was established to remind all Fathers out there that their family, their world will never be as solid as they actual believe it may be. The following was written some time ago and in the future my postings will be a mixture of current and past experiences coping with a misguided legal system.

I think the hardest thing for a father is to look into his child’s eyes and see disappointment and hurt materialize in the form of tears that he is helpless to do anything about. I Looked into the eyes of my 4 year old son today and saw something I had not seen since his I was first escorted out of our family home by the authorities. The hurt and disappointment of my once again walking out of his life, unfortunately this is something I have become too accustom to although the pain and helplessness I fell when I am walking away can not be described.

Parental rights are something to be not taken lightly as a father because one day completely beyond your control they can be taken away. I know unfortunately I have in my life lost a child not only once, but 4 times and the pain is something that never goes away. Our system today is designed to protect the mother and the father is only left to bear the burden of not only the loss of a significant part of his life, but the financial burden of support and related court costs. I visualize my self as a good father although not perfect; I am someone who would greatly sacrifice for my child’s happiness. In the past have been praised by others for my parenting skills, even by those related to the mother of my children. When it came down to the litigation in court over custody those related to the mother who earlier praised me stood by their kind and never lifted a finger to support my retention of any actual rights the father of my child.

I can recall when my ex-wife first decided to pursue a divorce with no hesitation she turned towards me and said very calmly "I want a Divorce and I want Full Custody". I pulled over the thought of anyone taking my son from me was unimaginable. I thought for sure her family the same people who praised me for being an exceptional father would step in and talk some common sense into someone at that point I had deemed irrational.

I guess you can already surmise that it did not happen. My ex-wife the mother of my child with a history of self mutilation and enough compulsions that she herself could not keep track and actually at one point attempted to count although found the task too much. She did do something that I actually thought was beyond her and what I never expected her to do lie. Brought up by a very catholic family that were very passionate about honor, truth and trust when all failed she simply lied. During the divorce process the courts I Arizona thought that at least when we went to the court appointed child welfare advocate that he would see through her facade. After several hour of investigation and an insurmountable amount of tears on the part of my son’s mother and a few surgically placed lies he eventually came up with a report suggesting that the mother retain all parental rights and rights over medical decisions and I the father be allowed only visitation. Now, I must inform you to be fully aware of all the details is a lengthy chapter in my life and I will try to restrict my comments to those only pertinent to the results of the child welfare advocate.

First, as I already mentioned my ex-wife with a history of self-mutilation, which for most part during our marriage she hid from me, it was not until after I began seeing strange cuts and finding sharp knives laying around that she admitted to her problem. The compulsions as I mentioned were most part little ones like the storage of canned food all facing the same direction in the kitchen cabinets, no use of insecticide in or around our home. All minor things although one that she did have was in my eyes a bit odd that was what she called "Feeding Anne Frank" for those of you unfamiliar with Anne Frank I will give to you the Wikipedia version.

Anneliese Marie "Anne" Frank (June 12, 1929 – early March 1945) was a German-born Jewish girl from the city of Frankfurt, who wrote a diary while in hiding with her family and the van pels family and albert dussel. in Amsterdam during the German occupation of the Netherlands in World War II.

Now what does a little Jewish girl have to do with my ex-wife? Well it was explained to me in confidence one day by my son’s mother that when shopping at the local grocery stores she would do so, in the mindset that she was purchasing the food intending in her mind to feed Anne Frank.

This although strange seemed harmless enough although it may give you a sense of the instability I was dealing with throughout our marriage. Her father at the time seemed like a very fair man, religious and up front approached me a few months after our marriage at a family gathering. After we went out to check the steaks on the grill outside on the patio he said "Any man that can put up with my daughter is a better man than I am, you have your hands full. " He was not even close in comparison to the issues in store for me when he made that statement.

During my marriage I learned that although my ex-wife was very educated she was mentally immature and did not handle periods of stress very well. During periods of stress she would throw fits, lock herself behind closed doors or become irrational and I also learned she did not communicate well. She always wanted complete control although I later learned that this was a typical description of a "Cutter" or someone who self- mutilates themselves.

Again the Wikipedia description is

Self-injury (SI) or self-harm (SH) is deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon his or her own body without suicidal intent. Some scholars use more technical definitions related to specific aspects of this behavior. These acts may be aimed at relieving otherwise unbearable emotions, sensations of unreality and numbness. It is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a symptom of borderline personality disorder and is sometimes associated with mental illness, a history of trauma and abuse, eating disorders, or mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism. There is a positive statistical correlation between self-injury and emotional abuse] Non-fatal self-harm is common in young people worldwide and due to this prevalence the term self-harm is increasingly used to denote any non-fatal acts of deliberate self-harm, irrespective of the intention. The person who self-injures is not usually seeking to end his or her own life; it has been suggested instead that he or she is using self-injury as a coping mechanism to relieve emotional pain or discomfort. However, studies of individuals with developmental disabilities (such as mental retardation) have shown self-injury being dependent on environmental factors such as obtaining attention or escape from demands. Though this is not always the case, some individuals suffer from disassociation and they harbor a desire to feel real and/or to fit in to societies rules.

As I grew to know her and see her develop into the person she is today I became aware the he was also an individual whom practiced homeopathy. Wikipedia describes homeopathy as Homeopathy (also homeopathy or homeopathy; from the Greek "suffering" or "disease") is a form of alternative medicine first defined by Samuel Hahnemann in the 18th century. Homeopathic practitioners contend that an ill person can be treated using a substance that can produce, in a healthy person, symptoms similar to those of the illness. According to homeopaths, serial dilution, with shaking between each dilution, removes the toxic effects of the remedy while the qualities of the substance are retained by the diluent (water, sugar, or alcohol). The end product is often so diluted that materially it is indistinguishable from pure water, sugar or alcohol. Practitioners select treatments according to a patient consultation that explores the physical and psychological state of the patient, both of which are considered important to selecting the remedy.

Claims for efficacy of homeopathic treatment beyond the placebo effect are unsupported by scientific and clinical studies. The ideas behind homeopathy are scientifically implausible and "diametrically opposed to modern pharmaceutical knowledge". The lack of convincing scientific evidence supporting its efficacy. and its contradiction of basic scientific principles, have caused homeopathy to be regarded as pseudoscience, or, in the words of a 1998 medical review, as "placebo therapy at best and quackery at worst". Current usage around the world varies from two percent of people in Britain and the United States using homeopathy in any one year.

With this stated I will say that I am a full believer in the science of medicine and although I do believe few, a very few homeopathic remedies may work I am not a supporter of this practice although my belief is to each his own. I also learned during our marriage that my ex-wife was a practicing pagan and excuse the repeated reference to Wikipedia, but I feel the descriptions given here are pretty accurate. Pagan

The term pagan is from Latin paganus, an adjective originally meaning "rural", "rustic" or "of the country." As a noun, paganus was used to mean "country dweller, villager." In colloquial use, it could mean much the same as calling someone today a 'Hillbilly'.

The semantic development of post-classical Latin paganus in the sense "non-Christian, heathen" is unclear. The dating of this sense is controversial, but the 4th century seems most plausible. An earlier example has been suggested in Tertullian De Corona Militis xi, "Apud hunc [sc. Christum] tam miles est paganus fidelis quam paganus est miles infidelis," but here the word paganus may be interpreted in the sense "civilian" rather than "heathen".

This during our marriage transformed into a belief of Wicca a reference in Wikipedia is Wicca is one variety of pagan witchcraft, with distinctive ritual forms, seasonal observances and religious, magical and ethical precepts. Other forms of witchcraft exist within many cultures, with widely varying practices. Many Wiccans, though not all, call themselves Pagans, though the umbrella term Paganism encompasses many faiths that have nothing to do with Wicca or witchcraft. Wicca has also been described as a Neopagan or a Mesopagan path. Because there is no centralized organization in Wicca, and no single orthodoxy, the beliefs and practices of Wiccans can vary substantially, both among individuals and among traditions. Typically, the main religious principles, ethics, and ritual structures are shared, since they are key elements of traditional teachings and published works on the subject.

As practiced by initiates in the lineage of Gerald Gardner, Wicca is a variety of witchcraft founded on religious and magical concepts. As such it is distinguished not only by its beliefs, but also by its practice of magic, its ethical philosophy, initiatory system, organizational structure and secrecy. Some of these beliefs and practices have also been adopted by others outside of this lineage, often termed Eclectic Wiccans, who generally discard the institutions of initiation, secrecy and hierarchy, and have more widely varying beliefs. Some Eclectic Wiccans neither perform magic nor identify as witches. Within traditional forms of Wicca there are three degrees of initiation. First degree is required to become a witch and gain membership of a coven; those who aspire to teach may eventually undergo second and third degree initiations, conferring the title of "High Priest" or "High Priestess" and allowing them to establish new covens. At initiation, some Wiccans adopt a craft name to symbolize their spiritual "rebirth", to act as a magical alter ego, or simply to provide anonymity when appearing as a witch in public

This practice was accompanied by purchases of a text known as a Book of Shadows a collection of magical and religious texts of Wicca and other Neopagan witchcraft traditions, containing the core rituals, magical practices, ethics and philosophy of a Wiccan or other tradition. She was always into the reading of tarot cards, these were utilized primarily for fortune telling purposes and once again I have never been the type to tell others what they can or can not do with their lives, spiritual beliefs as long as it does not adversely affect others.

Now back to the court appointed child welfare advocate I was sure that this information that I have detailed to you would be enough to at least get joint physical custody, but there is more that has transpired that I have not yet informed you of.

Before all of this occurred my ex-wife and I were employed within the National Park Service at a remote unnamed position in the United States. Our son became ill a possibility of Meningitis hospitalized and 35 miles away from our home. During this time I took possession of funds that were not mine to visit our son and was charged with a misdemeanor theft this ex-wife never understood and although placed on probation and allowed to keep my job and rehire ability she claimed this affected her trust in me.

Upon our arrival to Arizona my son’s mother decided to take off for 2 weeks of training at another local National Park and leave my son and I home. After returning home she found a shredded receipt the purchase being 1 single 12-ounce can and a six pack of 12-ounce cans of Coors Light – Beer. Immediately although a common practice to shred my receipts to prevent account fraud she began to accuse me of having a problem with alcohol. Now this was never an issue we discussed before and even though her parents who visited quite often with a habit to bring an overabundance of food, and alcohol in the form of beer this was never brought to their attention. Their was not of one for a weekend consumption, but was meant to last us way past their intended visit. My Ex-wife was known to like an occasional shot of whiskey and although on many occasions was seen to have "Had too Many" she began to overlook her drinking habits and focus on mine as a reason for seeking divorce.

During the last few days of our time as a family I was ripped apart thinking of another child, my child without a father in his life. I offered martial counseling, physiological counseling anything I could imagine to make an attempt to work out our differences, even agreeing to seek counseling for alcohol addiction even though I felt it UN-necessary. During this period one afternoon while sitting in my office while my son was sleeping my ex-wife came into the office started to rummage through my office documents in the closet. Roughly going through everything with out respect to me the item or the possible damage that might occur to the item. I inquired to what she was doing and she stated looking for my things. Realizing she might damage my compact disks all, which contained programs some expensive. I stood up, and stated let me help and placed my hands underneath the pits of her arms and I attempted to pick her up as I had in the past. I attempted to lift her off the stool that she was standing on no anger involved, just a concern for my personal belongings. She immediately stated "you get your hands off me", which I did and walked away. Two days later I was escorted off of the property by the authorities my son crying "Daddy don't go and I hurting so deeply inside that I could not hold him and make it all go away. The order of protection she filed restricted me from contact with my son the proceeding 6 months. When we eventually did end up in a court of law my ex –wife not only claimed that I threatened her, but with nothing to substantiate the claim stated that I had physically and mentally abused both her and my son for the last 3 years of our marriage.

The argument was made that she was a cutter and it would be nothing for her to pinch herself to produce the two bruises on her left arm that she claimed my fingers had left there. The argument was made that her father had purchased me both a handgun and rifle as gifts yet she feeling threatened for her life never advised him or any member of her family of alleged abuse. No police reports were ever filed, no records of hospitalization, No witnesses, no reports of my ex wife ever confiding in a friend to advise of any abuse, no reports filed by the day care that they ever found or reported to the state evidence of abuse on our child. Nothing not one piece of evidence to authenticate a history of abuse. Yet her initial sworn complaint that I frightened her in the office was enough to secure a protection order and her testimony in court of my history of abuse although with nothing to substantiate the claim was enough to have my parental rights revoked even with her history of instability. Unfortunately and although expected once my son's mother began crying and describing her false claims of abuse to her family there was nothing I could do to make things right nothing at all. In the end blood was thicker than water and instead of someone loved and accepted into a family a family I deeply respected I was rejected and looked upon as an outcast.

My concern for my son was never to remove him from his mother’s life, but to share physical custody so as I could monitor his medical treatment, his spiritual development and so that he could know who his father is. To know that there is someone out there who thinks of him in his absence, A father who cries about him when other’s are not around to hear those cries and let him know that he is my world. $40.000 dollars has been spent fighting this in a court system that caters to mother’s and looks at the father as a second class citizen instead as a significant part of a child’s development and well being. Needless to say I have spent everything I have and borrowed more than I can ever repay and now when things seem at their worst I have been laid off facing the loss of my income that has allowed me to keep up on my child support.

To be continued....